Hi, I'm Dr. Diane England, and I want to welcome you to my website on codependency and becoming co-dependent-no-more. I sincerely hope you benefit from it not only because I'm a licensed clinical social worker with a Ph.D. in this field (University of Texas at Arlington) and thereby realize the emotionally painful place you're likely currently in, but also because I've been in this same place in my own life.
I then pursued my own personal journey of healing and change because I realized I likely had ended up with a narcissistic man who came to have addiction problems for a reason. In other words, codependent people need to make changes so that they don't continually attract, as well as aren't continually attracted to, men who seem to make their lives miserable.
If you discover that what I'm saying here at this site seems to ring true for you, I'd encourage you to acknowledge your fear, but choose to step onto a pathway of healing anyway.
I'm not going to kid you that this pathway of healing won't prove difficult at times. It undoubtedly will. Nonetheless, I believe it's a pathway worth pursuing. (And in truth, isn't your life as you're living it now becoming increasingly difficult or painful anyway?)
When You first begin your healing journey, you may feel like you're suddenly walking in bright and glorious sunlight after having been in a heavy fog. But soon thereafter, you might feel as if you're being forced to go down into these dark caves that are scary and can even seem life-threatening. Will you be able to find your way out of them, in fact? However, finally you see some light--and then some more light still. The day comes when you not only realize that you're in fully bright sunlight, but now things in your midst look more brilliant and beautiful than they ever did. And fortunately, you'll probably start to meet some other people whom, because they've been on a similar journey, see the world similarly.
You come to realize that your life is so changed. And while it might not look anything like what you'd once envisioned for yourself, you also realize it is simply a different kind of good life. Furthermore, perhaps what you once thought was so wonderful and necessary no longer hold the same appeal. Rather, you might feel sad for those so wrapped up in pursuing the same type of lifestyle you once did.
Now, you come to truly value your time because you realize it is so precious and something you can not purchase more of, either. As a result, you'd rather spend it on things that seem more meaningful than maintaining a lifestyle that might impress others you truly don't care about anyway. You want to feel your life has purpose--that you are making a difference. Oh, and you'll likely discover you enjoy living as your most creative and best self--your truly highest self. By doing this, you find yourself experiencing a new type of inner peace and joy despite what might be going on in your midst. You realize that despite anything that might happen, you're going to be okay.
Some of what I've written here speaks of my journey. You must take your own and see where it leads you!