Hi, I'm Dr. Diane England, and I welcome you to this website. I hope you benefit from it not only because I'm a licensed clinical social worker with a Ph.D. in this field (University of Texas at Arlington) and thereby realize the emotionally painful place you might currently be in, but I've been in this same place in my own life. However, I've also pursued my own personal journey of healing and change.
It can be challenging to face up to the fact one just might be somewhat responsible for the painful place where she has ended up (though things were likely playing out at an unconscious versus a conscious level). But in truth, the codependent person will need to make changes if she hopes to have a different future, one where she does not attract, and is not attracted to,for example, men who seem to make her life miserable.
If you discover that what I'm saying here at this site seems to ring true for you, I'd encourage you to acknowledge your fear, but to choose to step onto a pathway of healing anyway.
I'm not going to kid you that this pathway of healing won't prove difficult at times. It undoubtedly will. I believe it's a pathway worth pursuing nonetheless. (And in truth, isn't your life as you're living it now becoming increasingly difficult or painful anyway?)
When You first begin your healing journey, you may feel like you're suddenly walking in bright and glorious sunlight after having been in a heavy fog. But soon thereafter, you might feel as if you're being forced to go down into these dark caves that are scary and can even seem life-threatening. Will you be able to find your way out of them, in fact? But then, you see some light and finally, some more light. The day then comes when you not only realize that you're in the bright sunlight once again, but it has caused other things in your midst to look more brilliant and more beautiful than they ever did. And fortunately, you'll probably start to meet some other people whom, because they've been on a similar journey, see the world similarly.
You realize that your life is so changed. And while it might not look anything like what you'd once envisioned for yourself, you also realize it is simply a different kind of good life. Furthermore, perhaps what you once thought was so wonderful and necessary no longer has the same appeal. Rather, you might feel sad for those so wrapped up in pursuing the same type of lifestyle you once did.
Now, you come to truly value your time because you realize it is so precious and something you can not purchase more of, either, You'd rather spend it on things that seem more meaningful than maintaining a lifestyle that might impress others you truly don't care about anyway. You want to feel your life has purpose--that you are making a difference. And certainly, you're forever striving to live as your most creative and best self--your truly highest self, in other words. And in doing so, you find yourself experiencing a new type of inner peace and joy despite what might be going on in your midst. You sense that despite anything that might happen, you're going to be okay.